When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, it can feel confusing or scary. You might wonder what you can do to help and if you’re saying or doing the right things. Supporting a friend or family member during a crisis is challenging, but it’s also important and meaningful. While you can’t fix everything for them, you can be there in ways that truly make a difference. Here’s how to help.

How to Tell if They’re in Crisis

First, you need to know some signs that someone might be in crisis. These include:

  • Big Mood Swings: They might seem really sad, angry, or worried for no clear reason.
  • Pulling Away from Others: Avoiding friends, staying in their room, or skipping activities they usually like.
  • Changes in Sleep or Eating: Eating way more or way less than usual, or sleeping too much or hardly at all.
  • Risky or Harmful Behavior: Talking about hurting themselves, taking dangerous risks, or using drugs or alcohol in unhealthy ways.
  • Talking About Hopelessness: Saying things like “Nothing matters” or “I can’t do this anymore.”

If you notice things like this, don’t ignore your gut feeling. It’s better to check in with them—even if you’re not sure—than to say nothing and risk them feeling more alone.

Be Kind and Listen Without Judging

When you decide to talk to them, your tone and words matter a lot. You want them to know you care and that they can trust you. Here’s what to do:

  • Pick the Right Moment: Talk to them in private when both of you are calm.
  • Really Listen: Don’t interrupt or try to solve everything for them. Just letting them talk can help.
  • Say Things That Show You Care: Instead of saying things like “You’re overreacting,” say, “It sounds like you’re really struggling. I’m here for you.”
  • Avoid Saying “Cheer Up”: Don’t try to force positivity like, “It’ll all be fine.” Instead, try to understand what they’re feeling and say something comforting, like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be, but I’m here for you.”
  • Be Patient: It might take a while for them to open up, and that’s okay.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen and remind them they don’t have to go through it alone.

Encourage Them to Get Professional Help

While your support is important, they might need help from a counselor, therapist, or doctor to work through what’s happening. Here’s how to guide them toward that:

  • Talk About Counseling as Normal: Say something like, “There’s no shame in asking for help—everyone needs it sometimes.”
  • Help Them Find Options: Offer to look up therapists, hotlines, or resources with them.
  • Take It a Step at a Time: If they’re nervous, suggest small steps, like just calling for information or attending one appointment to see how it goes.
  • Go with Them if Needed: Offer to go to an appointment with them or even wait outside to help them feel less nervous.
  • Know What to Do in Emergencies: If things are really serious—like if they’re considering self-harm—they need immediate help. Call 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the U.S.) or another crisis service.

Offer support, but remember it’s their decision to take that step. Be encouraging but not forceful.

Say the Right Things

During tough conversations, your words matter. Here are some tips for talking to someone in crisis:

  • Be Open About Your Feelings: Say, “I’m worried about you because I care about you,” instead of blaming them with something like, “You’re making me scared.”
  • Ask Direct Questions If Needed: If they’re talking about possible self-harm, ask, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” Being clear lets them know you’re serious about helping.
  • Avoid Blaming or Judgment: Don’t say things like, “You always do this,” because it might shut them down.

Think of your words as a way to build trust and understanding.

Take Care of Yourself Too

Helping someone through a mental health crisis can take a lot out of you emotionally. To keep being supportive, you need to take care of yourself too. Here’s how:

  • Know Your Limits: You’re not a therapist—and that’s okay. Focus on what you can do, like encouraging them to seek help and being there when they need to talk.
  • Talk About Your Feelings: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor.
  • Make Time for Yourself: Whether it’s going for a walk, watching your favorite show, or just relaxing, make self-care a priority.
  • Don’t Burn Out: Helping someone doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. You can’t help them effectively if you’re running on empty.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. It helps you stay strong so you can keep supporting the person you care about.

Helpful Resources

If you or your loved one needs more support, here are some resources to turn to:

  • Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Call or text 988 for free, around-the-clock help.
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to chat with a trained volunteer counselor anytime.
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Call 1-800-950-NAMI for free advice and help finding support in your area.
  • Online Therapist Directories: Websites like BetterHelp or Open Path Collective can help you or your loved one find affordable counselors.

Having options like these can make the situation feel less overwhelming.

Helping someone through a mental health crisis can be tough, but it’s one of the most important things you can do for someone you care about. By listening, being there, and guiding them toward help, you remind them that they’re not alone—and that recovery is possible.

And remember, you’re never alone in this either. With the right tools and support, both of you can find a way through.